EX-VIRGINS

Issue 01 — The First Pressing · Ayvalık, Türkiye · Harvest: Nov 2026 · Not suitable for chugging

Pressed early.Poured often.Never innocent.

Erken hasat. Bol döküm. Masumiyet yok.

Pour it on everything.

Early-harvest olive oil from Ayvalık, in brown beer bottles, six at a time. Green, peppery, and a little bit rude at the back of the throat.

500 founding seats. After that you're on standby. Like an ex.

Overhead flash photo of a meyhane table at night. A hand pours green-gold olive oil from an amber swing-top Ex-Virgins bottle onto tomatoes and white cheese, next to grilled fish, olives, bread, and a carrier of more bottles.

Mockup. The real bottle is still getting dressed.

Not beer. Pour, don't chug. Emphasis on ex. Six at a time.

A confession

Let's be honest. Your nonna never measured. She poured until it felt wrong, then poured a little more. We bottled that feeling, put it in a beer bottle, and gave it a name your mother won't like.

Annene söyleme.

Olive groves at dusk running down to a turquoise sea, with an island on the horizon. In front, a crate of green olives and an Ex-Virgins bottle stand on a stone wall.

Fig. 2 — The scene of the crime

The groves run down to the sea. We ran after them.

Ayvalık, north Aegean. Silver-green hills, turquoise water, and Lesbos across the way, minding its own business.

Exhibit A — What we pour it on

01 / 08

Pour
decisions.

Neye döküyoruz? Her şeye.

Eight things we've done with it. No regrets. Some witnesses. Keep scrolling →

  1. 01a lot

    Tomatoes and salt

    Domates

    The gateway drug. Everyone starts here.

  2. 02a shameless glug

    White cheese

    Beyaz peynir

    Don't call it feta. Ayvalık will hear you.

  3. 03a puddle

    Warm bread

    Sıcak ekmek

    Dip. Double-dip. Nobody here is judging.

  4. 04to finish

    Grilled fish

    Izgara balık

    The fish has been through enough. Be nice to it.

  5. 05long & slow

    White beans

    Kuru fasulye

    Beans deserve love too. Go slow.

  6. 06while it sizzles

    Fried eggs

    Sahanda yumurta

    Breakfast, but make it scandalous.

  7. 07more. no, more.

    Plain pasta

    Makarna

    Carbs, oil, silence. A love story.

  8. 08a thin line

    Vanilla ice cream

    Vanilyalı dondurma

    Don't knock it till you've licked it.

  9. 09 — YouYour dinner is missing something. →
A hand lifts an open Ex-Virgins bottle out of a cardboard six-pack carrier. Its porcelain swing-top hangs from the wire. A tulip-painted plate of green olives sits beside it.
Fig. 3 — Six-pack. Zero abs required.

Exhibit B — The bottle

Yes, it's a beer bottle. No, you can't chug it.

Evet, bira şişesi. Hayır, dikilmez.

Brown glass.
Light ruins olive oil. Brown glass is the bouncer. Nobody gets in, nobody gets hurt.
330 ml.
Small enough to finish while it's fresh. We're not looking for anything long-term.
Swing top.
Seals tight between dinners. Pops loud at the start of one. Go on, try it.

Go on. Nobody's watching.

Six at a time.
Because one is never enough and seven is a cry for help.

Exhibit C — The pressing

Six bottles. One pressing.

Altı şişe. Tek sıkım.

330 ml each, from the November 2026 harvest. When it's gone, it's gone. Like your ex's good qualities.

T-minus November

Until picking season. Try to contain yourself.

Picking starts 1 November 2026.

Exhibit D — The suspects

The accused.

Suçlular.

Wanted for crimes against boring olive oil.

Two friends from the Aegean coast who decided that good oil should not be polite about it. They picked early, pressed hard, and have been unrepentant ever since.

Ayvalık PDEXV-001Founder No. 1Charged with: over-pouring in a public place, no remorse shown
Ayvalık PDEXV-002Founder No. 2Charged with: aggravated dipping, refused to stop at one slice

Exhibit E — Cross-examination

Awkward questions.

Utandıran sorular.

Is it beer?Bira mı bu?

No. It's extra virgin olive oil in a beer bottle. Pour it. Do not shotgun it. We cannot stress this enough.

Why "ex"?Neden "ex"?

Picked early, pressed hard, no longer innocent. Legally it's extra virgin. Spiritually? Let's not get into it.

Is it actually extra virgin?Gerçekten sızma mı?

Yes. The oil is clean. It's the name that's dirty.

When does it arrive?Ne zaman geliyor?

We pick and press in November 2026. The first table gets the first six-packs before public launch. Patience is sexy.

How much is it?Fiyatı ne?

The founding price goes to the first table first. There's no number yet, and we're not making one up to seem mysterious. We're already mysterious.

Will you spam me?Spam atar mısınız?

We write when there's oil. That's the whole newsletter. Low-maintenance, like a good ex.

The first table

500 seats.
Then we get picky.

500 kişilik sofra. Geç kalan standby.

The first harvest is small. Founding members get their six-pack before public launch. Everyone else gets to hear about it.

We write when there's oil. That's the whole newsletter.